Kicked in the Guts
I was going to use the word “homily” in the title. Then I looked it up and saw it had a few negative connotations. I decided the original, non-smart-sounding title was better. So what triggered this, I hear no one asking? A crappy week, useless-feeling prayer and God still waiting to answer that prayer after a couple of years.
On another platform, I wrote about a non-Catholic usage for the rosary, something I still do on a daily basis. Part of what I pray multiple times a day is “Created in me a new heart, for your service and to the glory of your name”. I am praying to Jesus here, just in case you missed that.
This part of what I pray with the rosary is especially important. I am not, by natural inclination, a servant-hearted person. In fact, I am so not that type, I can blithely walk through the Laurentian depths of need and see utterly nothing of it until someone pointedly asks me if I am blind. In my profession, newly adopted, one probably should have a bit of a servant heart about them.
I didn’t back when I started. I don’t now.
When things blow back, as they do, I am not wired to cope with it as a servant would. I am not thinking about people as those I serve. I want to. I say the right words. But let’s get real here. I am no servant. And that bothers me, as it would any Christian in the same situation, I hope.
Jesus is crystal clear about servanthood, placing it at the core of the new identity His followers should adopt and grow into. I have been a Christian (with fairly significant periods of wandering, about which more will come) for nigh on a few decades now. One might reasonable expect someone in the faith for that long to have long got past such issues. One would be utterly right in that expectation. I have some growing to do, and that is what I am taking from this week of trials.
God has been pointing out a few different things about myself and about my place in His plan and in the profession. First, there are some glaring gaps in my development as a follower of Christ and as a human being made in the image of God. There have also been hints that the time is right to make some changes in where I work.
The key lesson here for me and I think for some among our sisters and brothers in Him is that when life seems to be kicking us about, perhaps we would be benefitted by looking at ourselves first. It might not be from an external trigger, but something that needs to be trimmed from us.
For many, this might be old news. God has mentioned this to me before, but I am nothing if not a slow learner. So, this week has been news to me. For any prayer warriors out there, please do add me to your list!
God bless you all and may Christ keep you!
Photo by Solal Ohayon on Unsplash.